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Alone… But not lonely.

Being alone should suck.

Last July, I was ousted by my circle due to some misunderstandings.

It hurt.


I thought we were the closest of friends.

I thought we were better than a few mistakes.

I thought we would still be together.

Losing my friends felt like being stabbed in the heart. And as someone who was super reliant on friends, this was more so hurtful for me.

But being alone doesn’t always have to suck. Things can get better if you do something about it.

So instead of pitying myself, I decided to take this as a lesson and move forward.

I told myself,

I can’t be stuck here.

I can’t pretend everything will turn out alright if I do nothing.

I can’t constantly be wishing for the past when there’s a tomorrow to come.

And so, I started finding myself again.

Reclaiming hobbies and trying new ones.

I used to love to draw.

I would spend 1 hour every day dedicated to drawing and showcasing them to my friends through Snapchat. Having that someone who notices my work drives my motivation to draw.

It makes me want to draw for them.

It makes me want to become better for them.

It makes me want to draw even more.

When I lost my circle, I deleted Snapchat as I didn’t want to see whatever they were up to.

I didn’t want to know.

I didn’t want to care.

But that was my first mistake as it was the one tool I used to share my work. Now that I’ve reinstalled it, I started drawing again, and I started sharing again.

The feeling of being able to share my work again was priceless.

I love drawing and even if I’m not the best at it,  I’ll never trade that love for anything else.

When it came to trying new things, I tried running.

And I don’t mean by running away from my problems or anything, I mean it quite literally.

Physical activities were never my forte, but I thought I should try running, maybe it’ll turn into something I enjoy.

So, I put on my earphones, got out my weeaboo playlist, and started running.

When I ran, I subconsciously forget about the negative thoughts. The only things that were going on my mind were “Oh my god, I’m gonna die.” or “Please I need wateeerrr, tatsukete!!”.

Who’s got time to think about negative things when you’re dying from all the physical pain?

Making friends, new and old.

I’m guilty of not doing this until recently.

I fear making new friends when my old ones left.

I thought,

Will they leave me again?

Will they accept a weirdo like me?

Will I fit in?

But those were just excuses. If they don’t accept you for who you are, they aren’t worth it to begin with.

So I started to join clubs, language groups and started making new friends again.

It was daunting at first. But I knew that I’ve already done this once, I can definitely do it again.

Another thing I did was reconnecting with my old friends again.

You’d be surprised how happy and open they are to talking to you again.

My usual goto line would be:

“Hey there <insertnamehere>, it’s been quite some time but <insertsomethingrandom> reminded me of you and I was curious how you were doing.”

If they reply you, great! You get a chance to rekindle your friendship. If they didn’t, they were probably too busy being assholes (probably).

Writing my thoughts down.

Writing down my thoughts possibly one of the best things I’ve done to overcome the negative thoughts.

Everyone thinks they’re the most important person in the world.

“Pay attention to me”.

“Notice me senpai”.

“I’m above you so praise me”.

And these kinds of thoughts could be pretty toxic in one’s daily life.

What I started doing was keeping a notebook in my bag.

Every time I wanted to shout out my thoughts, I write them down in my notebook instead.

Writing it down and reading it made it feel like I was given a different perspective.

And because of that, I realised how stupid and edgy some of my thoughts were.

Reading my thoughts on paper helped me understand myself a little more. I understood that the loneliness came from me thinking I was on the right, instead of realising I could have been wrong.

It made me remember that life shouldn’t just be looked from your own perspective, but from another point of view as well.

Remember to Focus on the right things.

Being lonely is frustrating, but if you focus on the right things in life, you’ll realise that being lonely is something you created yourself, not something enforced on you.

No matter how hard it gets, there’s always a way overcome it. That’s what I believe in.

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